But Not for Me (Silhouette Special Edition) Page 10

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  She lifted her eyelids slowly and smiled at him. Her small smile grew into a grin of such sensuous pleasure that it was all he could do not to grab her, take her to bed and forget about the consequences.

  “For what?” she asked in a lazy, sultry voice.

  “Getting you stirred up wasn’t part of the plan. I don’t want to seduce you into marrying me.”

  “How gentlemanly of you,” she teased, sliding her palm down his roughened cheek.

  “I guess I’m not doing any of this right. I should have taken you to dinner. I should have given you a ring—” A ring! He’d never given it a thought.

  “Isn’t that part of all the phony stuff you dislike?”

  He eyed her uncertainly. She didn’t look angry. She didn’t sound upset. Instead, she looked as though she might start purring at any moment.

  He wished he could say the same about himself. He feared that he would embarrass himself if he didn’t get her off his lap. Now.

  He lifted her, placed her feet on the floor and stood. There was no way to disguise his aroused state.

  Damned if she didn’t look fascinated by his condition.

  “I’ll be back,” he muttered and stepped around her. As soon as the bedroom door slammed behind him he began to pull off his clothes. He continued toward the bathroom until he reached the shower and turned on the cold water at full blast.

  What a ridiculous development, he thought as he stepped beneath the cold, stinging spray. He’d never had to take a cold shower to cool down from a heated sexual encounter. Why? Because he’d never stopped in the middle of making love, that’s why. What was the matter with him?

  Rachel was an adult. She was a woman who seemed willing to move to the next step. Why hadn’t he taken what she’d offered? If he had, he’d be feeling a great deal less pain than he did now!

  Still trying to protect her?

  What a joke. He’d never felt protective toward anyone in his life.

  He stood for what seemed like hours beneath the punishing spray, forcing his mind to go blank, concentrating on calming his body. He’d been an idiot to think Rachel would consider marrying him.

  She came from good stock and pure bloodlines. He knew nothing about his parents’ families, but from his observations growing up, he didn’t figure she’d want her future family contaminated with any of his genes.

  She was right, he thought, turning the water off. Of course she was. He towel-dried himself. It was a stupid idea. That’s the trouble with thinking with other areas of the body rather than the brain. It got people in trouble.

  He would get dressed and go apologize to her. Maybe she’d had the right idea before. It wouldn’t hurt to take some time away from each other. There was no reason for him to think he couldn’t get along without her. Of course he could.

  Starting now.

  He decided to shave, still cringing as he thought of the way his heavy beard had scratched her soft skin. Don’t go there. He’d take her out to dinner, some place noisy with no atmosphere. There would be no dimly lit restaurant for them. Don’t go there. He’d had a lucky escape, if he’d acknowledge it.

  All that love stuff people carried on about might be all right for others. But not for me.

  He dressed quickly. With a last flick of his comb through his hair—he really needed to get a haircut soon—Brad strode across his bedroom, feeling in control of himself for the first time in hours.

  He opened the door and came to an abrupt halt. Rachel stood there with her hand raised, ready to knock.

  “Oh!” she said and laughed gently. “I almost tapped your chest.”

  “That’s okay. Uh, look, Rachel, I know I was way out of line earlier and I apologize. I promise it—”

  She placed her fingers lightly across his lips and said, “I just came to tell you that if your offer is still open, I believe our getting married would solve a lot of problems for both of us.”

  Why hadn’t she just taken a bat and hit him over the head with it? She couldn’t have stunned him more.

  “Get married? You want to marry me?”

  Her smile was as sweet as an angel’s. “I believe I do, Mr. Phillips, I believe I do.”

  Chapter Six

  She didn’t look angry, which surprised him. He’d been certain that she would be furious that he’d taken advantage of her innocence by arousing her without bringing her to a satisfactory completion. He knew ways to do that, but he hadn’t trusted his control…for good reason.

  He continued to study her, saying, “Don’t you think you need to consider my offer for a few days?” He felt like a fool for arguing against his own suggestion in an effort to be fair to her. He could think of nothing he wanted more than to marry Rachel. So why didn’t he shut his mouth?

  “If this was a real proposal, of course I would take more time but under the circumstances…” Her voice trailed off.

  Well, if they were going to discuss this, they could certainly do it somewhere away from the bedrooms. He caught her hand and led her back up the steps to the living room. As soon as they reached the top of the stairs he let go of her hand.

  He knew he was being ridiculous, but even being no closer to her than a couple of feet had a strong effect on him. He walked over to the sliding glass door and pushed it open, needing some fresh air.

  An afternoon breeze wafted inside and he nodded toward the deck chairs. “Why don’t we sit out here?” he asked, stepping out on the deck. She followed and sat across from him, her saucy skirt rippling in the breeze, reminding him of hidden treasures he couldn’t touch.

  He cleared his throat and said, “Now then, what were you talking about downstairs? My proposal is as real as it gets.”

  She smiled. “Perhaps that’s true. I was suggesting that since we wouldn’t be marrying for all the usual reasons, there’s really no need to ponder the matter. I don’t want to return to my apartment for any longer than it will take to move my belongings out of there. As you pointed out, I certainly won’t be crowding you at your home. I think you’ve come up with a sensible and logical reason for us to marry.”

  He felt a strong sense of relief somewhere deep inside. His muscles relaxed, and he settled against the chair with a sigh. Then he frowned. Wait a minute. She’d been discussing the matter as though it was a business arrangement, using her professional tone—clipped and precise.

  Brad studied her in silence. She appeared relaxed, leaning back in the chaise lounge as though content to enjoy the afternoon, the view and, perhaps, the company. She didn’t look in the least businesslike in that colorful blouse and skirt. However, her expression was identical to ones she often wore at the office—calm and serene.

  Hadn’t his lovemaking affected her at all?

  Of course it had, he reminded himself impatiently. She’d been as swept away as he had been. And yet…she showed no signs of frustration. There was something unfair about that. Did she have any idea how difficult it had been for him to walk away from her…physically and emotionally? Obviously not.

  His mood shifted downward.

  Rachel didn’t appear to notice. “I suppose we need to decide when and where we should marry,” she said, sounding thoughtful. “Do you have family you’d like to invite to the wedding?”

  “No.”

  “In that case, I see no reason to make a big deal of it, do you? My family will understand when I explain to them why we’re doing this.”

  He pulled on his lower lip before saying, “I haven’t given much thought to the formalities surrounding marriage. I was thinking of the results.”

  “That’s not surprising, Brad. You’re a results-oriented person.”

  If the result was getting Rachel into his bed and keeping her there for a few days—maybe weeks—then he could definitely agree with her assessment.

  “Let’s look at where. There’s a three-day waiting period after obtaining the license in Texas. I don’t know about North Carolina. I could g
o online to find out since I brought my laptop with me. If there’s no waiting period, we could marry tomorrow before we fly back to Dallas. What would you like to do?”

  She made the logistics of planning a wedding ceremony sound as if they were planning a business meeting.

  He sat up abruptly. So what? he asked himself. What was wrong with him? He certainly didn’t want a sentimental ceremony where they would pledge their love and devotion to each other.

  Rachel knew him well. He could turn over the details to her and be done with it. “I don’t care. If we’re getting married, let’s just do it, the sooner the better,” he said.

  She swung her legs over the side of the chaise lounge. “Let me check to see what would be most convenient.” She went back inside the condo.

  He continued to look out at the view. He wasn’t as interested in the wedding as the honeymoon. Of course it wouldn’t be a real honeymoon. They needed to get back to the office. Work was piling up. He wasn’t sure it was a good sign that no one from the office had called during the past twenty-four hours. Maybe he’d better check in.

  Brad went inside. Rachel was already hooked into the phone. He trotted down the stairs to his bedroom and picked up his cell phone. He hit the speed dial and waited for Janelle to pick up his personal line.

  “Hello, Brad,” she said with a smile in her voice. “How are things going?”

  “I think we’ve managed to work out everything, at least enough for Carl to finish the job without needing psychiatric care. Anything unusual taking place there?”

  “There have been calls, of course, but no one mentioned that there was an emergency. I explained that I could have you call them and each one said they’d wait until you’re back in the office.”

  “Good.” He thought for a moment. “Janelle, have I ever taken a vacation?”

  “A vacation?” she repeated as though she wasn’t sure that’s what she heard.

  “Yeah.”

  “Not since I’ve been here, but then that’s only been five years.”

  “Point taken. Do you think the office would fall into chaos if I took a few days off?”

  The smile was back in her voice when she answered. “I believe we could hold it together without too much difficulty. Rachel has always managed to deal with things whenever your trips took longer than expected.”

  He tugged on his ear. “Yeah,” he said, frowning. “Rachel always steps in.”

  “Are you planning to get away for a while? I know it would do you good to rest and relax.”

  “Oh, you do, do you? And if I come back a changed man, do you think you can adjust?”

  “Well, it’s my guess that you won’t be able to stay away for more than a couple of days. I can’t see you lazing around on a beach somewhere without working up new projects and accompanying bids.”

  He laughed. “Didn’t realize I was so predictable.”

  “Is Rachel still with you?”

  “Of course. She’s been a big help.”

  “I’ve taken a few messages for her—one from her sister who called to see why she wasn’t answering her phone. I explained that she was out of town. I offered to give her the phone number there, but she said she’d wait to hear from her when she returns.”

  “I’ll pass on the message. Put me through to Rich. I’ll stay in touch. You know how to reach me.”

  “Sure. Hold on and I’ll transfer your call.”

  After a series of clicks and beeps, the office manager answered.

  “Rich Harmon.”

  “This is Brad. What’s happening?”

  He listened to a rundown of what had been going on and how Rich had handled everything. Brad was impressed. Rich seemed comfortable being left in charge. Maybe Brad could get away—with Rachel—for a few days without catastrophic results.

  When Rich finished, Brad said, “We’re leaving some time in the morning. I’ll be at the office no later than midafternoon. If there’s anything I need to review before Monday, leave it on my desk.”

  He hung up and went back upstairs. Rachel looked up from her computer screen. “Okay, here’s what I learned. If we want to get married in North Carolina, there’s no waiting period. We’ll need to pick up a license at a courthouse, which we can do in the morning. If we’re lucky there will be somebody available to marry us before we leave. How does that sound?”

  His stomach knotted. This was exactly what he wanted. His gut reaction was no doubt due to the childhood lectures he’d received about not letting a woman get her hooks into him.

  This was different. If his dad ever met Rachel, perish the thought, he’d find his theory was wrong. Not all women were as bad as his dad made them out to be. Of course Rachel would have his dad totally confused. She was too honest for Harold Freeland to understand. His dad always swore there was no such thing as an honest woman.

  Rachel would see right through Harold. At one time the man’s charm and silver tongue had made him a great deal of money, but he would never have been able to con Rachel. She would see the hollowness that existed beneath the debonair facade.

  There were times when he still dreamed about living with his father, following him from town to town, just ahead of the local police or sheriff.

  “Brad?”

  Right. She’d asked him a question, hadn’t she? About getting married. That was the word that had sent his thoughts spinning.

  “Sorry, I was thinking about something else. I believe you’re right. Getting married here and flying back to Dallas in the morning makes sense. What do we need for identification to get the marriage license?”

  “Our driver’s licenses.”

  He nodded. Good. Once again his assistant had dealt with the details. He swallowed. “So where is the courthouse?”

  “In Asheville. It really won’t be out of our way since that’s where the plane is waiting.” She glanced at her watch. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to have a last meal as single people?”

  His jaw tightened. “Is that the way you feel about what we’re doing?”

  “Not at all,” she replied easily. “I was hoping to make a joke. You’ve been looking rather grim for most of the afternoon.” She leaned against one of the bar stools. “Look. If you’ve changed your mind, I can certainly understand. I have other options. My plan was to go stay with my sister for a while. Once she got tired of me I could go to my brother’s home. He has a large place in the country and I know I’d enjoy—”

  “Whoa. You’re really getting wound up and there’s no reason. If you want to visit your sister, I don’t have a problem with that. You deserve some time off…which reminds me, Janelle said she called this morning.”

  “Good. I’d left a message on her machine before I knew we were coming over here, giving her a heads-up on the possibility that I might be visiting her.”

  “Would you prefer to do that rather than marry me?”

  “Are they mutually exclusive?” She grinned. “You know, Brad, you’re beginning to sound like an anxious bridegroom with cold feet. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that—”

  “You know me well enough to know I always keep my word. I made you an offer. You accepted. We’ll get Carl to drop us off at the courthouse in Asheville in the morning. We can get a cab to the airport later. Now, let’s go eat.”

  Rachel was trembling with exhaustion by the time she crawled into bed that night. Brad had made a casual remark over dinner to the effect that she was one of the most honest women he knew. She hadn’t been able to get his comment out of her mind.

  She closed her eyes in pain, knowing how dishonest she had been with him today. At first she’d thought his marriage proposal an insult. He’d reduced the whole reason for their getting married to one of expediency. If she married him, his routine wouldn’t be disrupted; if she took a leave of absence, he’d have to find someone to fill in for her.

  Then he had kissed her so possessively that she had melted like a can
dle near a raging fire. She had never allowed a man such intimacies with her and yet she hadn’t been embarrassed or shocked by his lovemaking. She’d reveled in it.

  She knew that she would not have stopped the natural progression of the most wonderful lovemaking she’d ever imagined. The last thing she’d expected was for him to stop, when it was obvious that he’d been as affected as she.

  He’d walked away.

  Only then did it occur to Rachel that this man, who loudly proclaimed he knew nothing about love and had been adamant on several occasions about never getting married, was in the process of belying both statements.

  His reason for marrying her was to protect her from a stalker. He had walked away from her to protect her from himself.

  Her thoughts wandered through memories of Brad over the years. He’d been her employer and eventually her friend. To a lesser degree he had become her confidant as she had become his.

  Few marriages started with such a solid foundation. She knew he’d taken the proposal seriously by his reaction to her agreement to marry him. He’d looked panicked at first before his jaw had clenched and he’d stood by his word.

  Poor darling. He was scared to death of intimacy, the possibility of becoming vulnerable, and of sharing his life with another person. Despite all of that, he had stuck by his proposal. He was determined to do everything in his power to keep her safe.

  If she hadn’t been in love with him before, she would be now.

  Brad was a man of honor and integrity. Of course she loved him. The danger would be in allowing him to see that love. If she wanted to witness panic in a grown man, all she needed to do was mention her feelings for him…which was why she was having trouble falling asleep tonight.

  Somehow she had to maintain a casual attitude toward the whole business as though what they were doing was perfectly ordinary. Rachel had no idea if she was that good an actor. She knew she had to try.

  She intended this marriage to last. There had been no talk of a temporary arrangement. They were comfortable with each other in the work environment and the small demonstration she’d received earlier that day hinted at a strong compatibility in bed. They had a foundation on which to build. She had to treat their marriage like a long-term project and have patience that someday—maybe—Brad would trust her enough to drop his guard with her. She would know when that day came, because he would be ready to talk about his life before she met him. No matter how much he insisted that his younger days were gone and forgotten, she knew differently. He still lived and made decisions based on his past…until today when he’d broken from the pattern long enough to ask her to marry him.